September 23, 2006 - Emotion are tumultuous things. For the first time in a long time I feel scared. There's no explanation for it, and that's perhaps what's strangest of all.
I don't want to feel like this . . .
> ASHLEY: I may not be able to update for a while because I'm not sure that I can connect to an FTP while at school.
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September 21, 2006 - Two more days . . . that's all I have left here. I'll be moving into my own apartment. It's hard to believe that summer is already coming to a close. School is just around the corner! Eek! However, I'm happy to say that I am now the proud owner of two beautiful white chairs. They were donated to my "apartment cause", and I couldn't have asked for better.
In between my nocturnal habits (ie: packing until 4am, consuming a probably unhealthy amount of tea, and remaining hopelessly addicted to books) I started thinking about how things probably do (and more likely than not) happen for a reason. If I consider everything that's happened in my life (the ups, the downs, the things that fell through, the things that went through, etc.) I find that it's all worked out for the best, and nothing was really "botched". In this way, it's kind of like life is this tapestry that has a form, a pattern, and a plan. Certain colors come in and stay throughout the whole thing. Others fade out, break, and twist. Some are only there for a short while, but without them, the fabric wouldn't have those lovely accents. I can't help but think that there is someone weaving it all so carefully. Intertwining lives, connecting others, and all the while guiding it.
And this makes me think that despite the scaryness of the up-coming year, it's all gonna be okay.
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September 13, 2006 - Some people are amazing. They encompass all manner of the word. They bend over backwards and when you're feeling completely wretched and awful, they're there to help pick you up. These people I hold dearest.
And if you ever come across this, Alex, I want you to know that you're one of those people.
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September 5, 2006 - I finally organized my entries by month. There's a novel idea.
Overall, today was lovely. I slept in, got caught up on sleep, and then went to Barns & Noble to buy some music and books. If it were up to me, my entire paycheck would go to music, books, a few interesting knits, and sushi of course. It felt good to do something nice for myself when things at home have been turbulent. My parents have been fighting, and it's stressful. I mean, I know parents disagree sometimes, but this isn't like anything I've seen before.
My dad is very sick, and he's taking roughly 17 - 20 different medicines for various things. And it makes him feel awful and I can understand that. But he takes his crankiness out on the rest of us, and it's hard to deal with sometimes. You can't always be that understanding, sweet person when you feel like nothing you do can make someone else happy. And that's how my mother's been feeling. She feels like she lives with a stranger sometimes, and I don't blame her. She's been patient. So very patient . . .I know he's not trying to hurt her, but he is. She was so upset the other night . . . she said she wanted to call quits. And I don't think she was saying that out of her anger and hurt either. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I think they'll be okay. I have to keep positive.
Most people at work know that I'm leaving next week. And Jeff (our framer) said he was really going to miss me. He said, "She and Tyler are the only ones that are actually trained! They know what they're doing! And now I have...Patricia...." For as much grief as I've had with my job, the people I work with have been amazing, and it made me feel like I performed well for the short amount of time that I was there for. It was my own little accomplishment.
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Girl: Jana (Jay-na). 21. 5'5". Brown eyes, brown hair. Half Indian, Half Caucasian. Night owl. Tea addict. College senior. Psychology Major. Interests: Dancing, Writing, Stargazing, Running, Swimming, Photo editing, Reading, Cooking, Astronomy, Tea, Metaphysics, Museums, Science, Medicine, Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Music, Movies, Ice Skating, Bowling, Tennis, Drawing, Calligraphy, Art Galleries, Stained Glass, Piano, Watercolors, London, Paris. Loves: Snow, Rain, Seasons, Photoshop, Web Design, Surprises, Great Novels, Classical/ New Age Music, Trying out new recipies, Traveling to new places, The beach, Mountains, Seattle, Finding little hole-in-the-wall shops, Jelly beans, Comfortable sweaters, Christmastime, Dancing with mops/brooms, Scrapbooking (my God, it's addicting). Thought-provoking conversation, Walks, Being creative, Hats, Most things fuzzy.
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